Unnecessary
by vampire-otaku1
Summary: A three part drabble series. Yaoi. Zoro gets jealous at Sanji's treatment of the ladies, and complains. Sanji's curly eyebrow gets him into trouble. The resulting chaos has the cook plotting revenge, with hilarous results.
1. Unnecessary Jealousy

_One Piece_ isn't mine. So please don't sue me…

Warning: This story is yaoi, which is a term of Japanese origin used to refer to work that refers to homosexual relationships between male characters. **Boy love**. So if this isn't your thing, please go back now.

Zoro x Sanji, written for the topic "Talking" at the Livejournal community OnePieceYaoi100. Basically means I wrote a story with only dialogue. Don't worry, only the first "chapter" is like this...

* * *

**U****nnecessary Jealousy**

"You know that really pisses me off, shitty-cook."

"Hn?"

(silence)

"Don't try to fuck with me. You know what I'm talking about."

(mumbles) "I swear, one of these days I'm gonna shave that goddamn eyebrow off when you quirk it at me..."

"Fuck you, shithead. Speak up like a big boy."

(silence)

"Stop scowling at me and just spit it out, shitty-swordsman."

"I hate it when you throw yourself in from of the women like a lovesick puppy. Like every fucking scrap of attention they give you is worth its weight in gold or something."

(silence)

(silence)

"You're jealous."

(silence)

"Baka. Do I do this to the girls?"

"_Nnnnngh,_ cook."

"Mmmm... you know I like it when you moan like that."

"Just shut up and do it again."

* * *

A/N (growls at Fanfiction . net) The original used quotes around three periods... - looked so much better than my "(silence)" thingy here. Basically, each period of silence is that on the part of one character. And since they take turns interacting... hopefully you can figure out who is talking. Please, someone let me know if this just doesn't work and I'll try to figure something else out. I really don't like the formating here... I might just have to rewrite it.  



	2. Unnecessary Revenge

**Unnecessary Revenge**

It was the last fucking straw. Seemed like every time Zoro said anything to the damn love-cook, that abnormal, curly eyebrow quirked at him, like it was taunting him or something. And then to accuse _him _ of being jealous... The swordsman had come to the end of his patience. It was time to show Sanji how stupid it was to mess with the future world's-best-swordsman. 

Zoro crept silently across the deck of the men's quarters towards his sometimes lover, razor in hand. Time to rid himself of a little problem.

* * *

The next morning, Sanji woke up and stumbled to the bathroom, as usual. Silence reigned briefly before a girlish scream erupted, followed by bouts of cursing. 

Zoro smiled from where he lay on the top deck at the sound. _Mission: Success._

"Holy fuck!" The enraged love-cook roared as he stomped up on deck, clean-shaven brow covered by thin fingers. "You goddamn fucking bastard! What have you done!"

The swordsman stood to wander towards the opposite end of the deck. "Just giving you your just desserts, shithead."

"I. Am. Going. To. Fucking. _ Kill _ you!"

If the earlier scream hadn't woken the rest of the crew, the proceeding battle on top deck certainly did.

* * *

Dinner that night was quite comical, as Sanji had brushed his hair down over both eyes to hide the missing eyebrow. The crew couldn't help but snigger from behind their hands when he was not facing in their direction. As if it would have made a difference; it was quite obvious that he couldn't see much of anything. 

Sanji seethed at his clumsiness, but refused to brush the blonde strands from his eyes. He'd be damned if he gave the swordsman the satisfaction- THUD. The cook snarled. That was the eighth time since dinner began that he'd hit his shin on that fucking table leg… The swordsman was going to pay with every hair of his funky green head. Sanji limped over to the counter with a determined gleam in his hidden eyes. Revenge would be sweet.


	3. Just Plain Unnecessary

**Just Plain Unnecessary**

"Umm, Sanji?"

The blonde looked in the direction of his captain's voice, hair still brushed to cover both sides of his face. "Hai, Luffy?"

"I'm over here." A rubber hand settled on his shoulder from the opposite side. Ooops. Sanji turned in the correct direction.

"What is it?"

"Do you, umm, know what is wrong with Zoro?" The hesitant voice asked.

"Wrong?" His mouth curled indifferently, but inside he was cackling with glee. "I don't notice anything out of the ordinary-"

A high-pitched giggle, quite unlike the swordsman, rang across the deck.

"Perhaps that is simply a side of him that we don't often get the _pleasure_ of seeing."

Luffy choked. "I'd rather not see this side of him at all."

"Hmm?"

"He's, uh, running around naked."

Pride or no pride, the blonde just had to see this. Pushing the hair from the right side of his face, he glanced around before settling on the swordsman's unclothed form, currently leaning against the rail and sniggering at something in the water.

"Shit," the cook mumbled before falling back in spasms of laughter. "Holy fucking shit!" He couldn't help it; it looked as though his revenge had worked all too well. Sanji brushed the tears from his face with the back of his hand before glancing at his captain. "I told... the stupid marimo-head… not to drink… that booze…" He managed between cackles.

"Saaaaaanji, what did you do to him!"

The blonde grinned. "Nothing permanent. Just a couple hours of him acting like more of an ass than he already is."

"Sanji." Luffy's tone came warningly.

Leaning back, the cook continued to watch Zoro with barely restrained glee. "Just something I put together to relax. Harmless enough in small doses, but drink enough of it…" He waved a hand vaguely. "You end up feeling like you're sort of floating, and it makes everything really, really funny." He paused. "And apparently you act completely crazy as well."

"Oi, Sanji." The blonde yelped as a naked swordsman suddenly flopped into his lap. "How're you doing?"

"Umm…"

Another giggle. "You're so funny." Zoro threw his arms around the Sanji's shoulders and snuggled close. "You know, I don't ever tell you this, but you are so warm and comfy, ya know?"

The cook felt his face flush scarlet.

Luffy's quiet laughter reached Sanji's ear, and he whipped his head in the rubberman's direction. "Don't you even-"

"Looks like he's your problem now, Sanji. Take care of him for me, ne?" Luffy cackled and rocketed away to the opposite end of the ship and his special seat, leaving Sanji trapped under the swordsman's weight.

"Oi, shitty-swordsman, get your heavy ass off of me." The blonde pushed at the nude man, to no avail.

"Aww, be nice." The swordsman threw a playful punch at the cook's chest, laughing softly. "I didn't know you could be so fucking hysterical."

"You're the one higher than a damn kite…"

Yet another giggle. "I am _not _high. High would be me in the crow's nest, baka."

Sanji smacked his forehead with a palm. This was going so very wrong…

A deep yawn drew the cook's attention back to the swordsman currently using him as a lounge chair. "I'm so relaxed," he mumbled, nuzzling Sanji's neck with his nose. "I think I'll take a nap."

"_Fuck _ no, asshole…"

But loud snores signaled the futility of his words. Belatedly, he wondered at the intelligence of drugging the swordsman. It was going to be a long night…


End file.
